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Story by Christina Smith

I love to read and write poetry, so I will enter a few of them. First, I’ll tell you my story and then maybe you will understand my poetry better. I just turned 30 this year and finally completed my Associates Degree. I will become a social worker and with more education a therapist. I always felt like a healer, but as of late, I have been focusing on my healing. I grew up with a mother who had a crack addiction and a father who became a social worker/drug counselor. He was the one who introduces my mother to drugs and I think that’s why he chose that path. They are still together, and my mother is ‘mostly’ drug-free:-). I had my daughter at 17, she the best thing that happens to me. I was hurting from growing up too fast and experiencing a lot of trauma. Her birth made me think about how I can make her life better? How can I give her better? I did my best. She is 13 now, a gifted student, and she been to Disney world and the beach. You know I was born and raised in Florida but never been to a beach in my youth. She’s very polite and our temperament compliments each other. I’m introvert and Highly Sensitive and she’s ambivert and highly Sensitive(empath, INFP) it’s different names for it.

I got married at 27 and thinking about divorce now. My husband is beautiful and we have so much fun, and its real love between us. He became increasingly more religious. Now it’s a problem with my hair, clothes, and the same personality that attracted him to me in the first place. I’m a whole problem now. He wants me to change convert, but I just can’t find it in myself to convert to that misogynistic, oppressive religious sector he decided to dedicate our time and money too. I keep waiting for him to remember us and come to his senses but he so gone I can’t reach him. His soul wants me but his mind they have it. I put a lot of my savings and time in this marriage and now broke. I will like for me and my daughter to move out and it will be affordable like RVing. I just need some time to get on my feet and heal. I could travel, I can feel freer because I feel so restricted right now.

Now that you know my story hopefully you’ll understand my art.

Poem One

Trying to be okay with loneliness
Feel like I’m boxed in with the world
And none of me truly exist
I’m just a whisper in the wind
Presumptuous soul
Reaching for the outer limits
It starts with an inner conflict
Something I can’t quite put my finger on but it does exist
I’m mesmerized by how it manifested
something external
bruised ego
love counterfeited
a fucking mess
an emptiness
an ache so deep
it hurts to touch it
an ache so deep you do anything to rid of it
anything to get rid of it

Poem Two

The stars in the sky like people
Dimming into darkness as they passed by
Hellos and sorrowful goodbyes
But the moon
The moon remains as my emotions rise and fall like the tides
And even the times it hides
Behind the earth shadow
I can still feel it pulling at me from the sky
The dark blue sky
Void of the stars that once shined
As insignificant as I am
Who fault is it that the stars faded with time?
What do I look like to the moon?
When my soul burst from my flesh
And It collides with every soul it reaches to find
As insignificant as I am
My presences will leave a mark with time
So much soul branded in their minds
As crazy, dramatic, frantic, too much soul…they will remember mines

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Story by Christina Smith

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Story by Christina Smith

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